Dean for short | A proud Malaysian | 21 and clueless | Obsessed over long fingers | Mediocre j&k-pop fan | Book junkie | Cold-hearted at times | Mostly an emotional wreck | Short-sightedness | Black ftw > rainbow | I suck in any relationship |

I kind of forgot that I actually have a blog so yeah? Hello, again.

So as I was lying down staring at my ceiling after Subuh prayer just now, listening to Limp Bizkit's Behind Blue Eyes, it reminded me of my childhood and most of my teenage days.

My childhood, as much as I can remember, was very plain and ordinary. Unlike my peers, I actually think I didn't played much, except in school. Tapi macam tak banyak jugak? During recess, that its. I think its mainly because during my childhood, my dad's work made me transferred schools so often, sometimes a new school every new year. Baru nak buat kawan baik, tetiba dah kena pindah????

And, I was a lazy kid. I didn't like going to school, up till I think when I got into Standard 5? There's this incident my whole family and probably the whole street of my old house knew, and remember. I was in Standard 2, living just with a single mother and rebellious brothers plus a baby sister while my dad's in KL, doing his masters. Kitorang whole family kat Alor Star. So this one day I memang malaaaaas gila nak gi sekolah I actually cried, threw tantrums and rolled on the road in front of my house. Meraung-raung taknak gi sekolah. Masa tu pulak memang ada jadual dengan neighbors where my neighbor, Suze's mom tumpangkan pegi sekolah, my mom; picking us up after school.

So.... Memang meraung, berguling atas jalan tar semata-mata taknak gi sekolah, sampaikan Suze's dad, yang memang whole Alor Staq tau pendiam tu datang pujuk slowtalk suruh pergi tp harammmm aku tak pegi. Last2 semua orang gi sekolah, aku dok atas buaian rumah jiran sampai tengahari sebab Mama kunci pintu. KUNCI PINTU! MY MOM, PEOPLE!

Thats how lazy I was, and there, a proof that I hated going to schools as a child.

So, back to the main thang! Dari kecik I was always mending for myself, because Mama mana nak menang tangan nak layan my 4 older BROTHERS yang buas, tengah nak mencapai akil baligh, yknow, teen boys' problems and such, mana nak jaga anak kecik lagi. So as a quite (?) middle child there, I was left to take care of myself.

This also developed my reading habit because besides playing with my Barbie dolls and their extravagant houses and pools and silky hair (mind you! I was a girly gaaal back then), I got nothing much to do. Dahlah malas gi sekolah kan? Hahaha so I started reading. Masa tu pulak memang dah banyak dibelikan buku cerita. My favorites were Sang Kancil dan macam2 member natang dia tu. Memang dibelinya full series. Pastu ada buku cerita rakyat this, that. In ENGLISH. Nak taknak memang berkawan la dengan kamus.

After my dad graduated, a couple of years kater kitorang pindah Kajang. Wah! Kajang..........................


Lagi lah. Though I have friends, (and good ones till this day) I started off very badly. Sebab so weird to fit in, when most of the kids there knew each other since like standard 1. Aku dah darjah 5 ok baru nak berkawan.

Then came this UPSR year, I started getting pressures from my parents, to excel in studies. Sebab? Anak perempuan????? Tu je. So I worked really hard in school, juggling between sports and studies sebab masa tu gila balapan. Dah gemok pon power okeh plis!

So as I was saying earlier, I DID NOT PLAYED AS MUCH AS OTHERS at my age. I studied. I studied. I studied. I think I was actually pretty depressed as a child. Mak bapak asyik push, comparing me with their friends' children, asyik marah bila result tak ok. (My parents are decent people, ok. Its just they're strict) Aku pulak memang bodoh Maths so I kept getting bad marks and scolded. Masalah lain pulak bila rasa terbuang, because I used to be the family's only daughter and last child. But then my baby sister came into the picture, leaving me feeling soooo abandoned. My dad reaaaaally favors her, no doubt. NO DOUBT, till today. So, memang depresi....

I remembered when I used to do my homework, (MATHS, u bij!!) with tears rolling down on my cheeks. Both because I depressed gila dengan family tak sayang aku & the fact that I have to get straight As to prove myself worthy.

Besides Limp Bizkit, I was totally obsessed with Simple Plan as a child/teenage. Ha, especially the Welcome to My Life song. OF COURSE, duh! Totally fits my life at that moment (or so I thought as a clueless child)

My life, as I just recently turned 22 years old, now, is still depressing but I am truthfully, happy with it. Perhaps I can be happier, but as for now, ALHAMDULILLAH. Masih bersyukur.

(Now that this post is getting longer, its also getting pointless. My problem, everytime I tried writing.....)

And these; to prove that I have decent friends as I was growing up. I also started being a loooot happier when I was in high school. Weird, huh? And I was at the peak of my happiness masa zaman sekolah, seriously. Lagi-lagi masa form 6. sape tak masuk form 6 dia boring dont fight me on this pal! :p